dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
