I need to stop coming to work sober
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He passed out mid-signature
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
