The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
