If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
