Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
