I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
