just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
