I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
