What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
