you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
