Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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