WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
