Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
