I wannas sexs uuuuu
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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