So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
