I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
