Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Be still, my beating vagina.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
