If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
