I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
