Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
