I cannot find my penis.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
