as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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