You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
