never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
