I can't watch pbs sober anymore
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
