i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
