It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
