You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
