Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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