I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
