I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
