About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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