dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
