Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
