Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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