im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
found the other keg... it's in the tree
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
