Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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