come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
