My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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