i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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