I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
