He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
