man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
