We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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