I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
