On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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