I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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