Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
