just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
