Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
