coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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