Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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